Daily · Depression · Love & Relationships · Polyamory

Running out of Fuse Quickly

I really do have a good temper, haven’t always. There was a time in my life when I repaired walls a lot and bandaged my hands. But learned it is just not worth it: either my time nor my energy. But being told, not asked for discussion, that there was going to be a wedding involving my wife is getting close to my breaking point.

A strange thought crossed my mind today; could D be doing this to see how far I will let it go? I really do not think she has that kind of a streak in her but it still crossed my mind.

So, here I sit on my couch while he rambles on at me. He has to comment on everything, whether he truly knows what he is commenting on or not. D has gone to bed and just left us alone.

Change of subject…. I was going to put this in its own post but then decided to just add it here.

My mask cracked the other day, just a little. I had been fighting to hold in the depression and the want to just try again all day. D and I were somewhere and she asked if I was ok. I had not realized I was crying but quickly locked it down and blamed it on allergies. The whole rest of the day I was super tight making sure it did not bleed through again. Visions of the last time, the mess, and how close I came to getting caught.

I know that a few of you also read my other blog, whether you are aware it is mine or not I see some of the same followers on both. So some of you have read some if not all of the poetry. I try to focus my emotions into my poetry and not just rambling words as often happen here.

Ok, time for bed. I have once again been informed about this wedding. Sleep or I commit murder.

More later


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